She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just forgot I was standing up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
