make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
