I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
