Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
