tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
