I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
