Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
