I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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