I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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