it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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