Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
