I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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