i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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