My boss' voice literally gives me gas
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Too much gin, very little bucket
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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