im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
