I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
