I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My balls are so social today.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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