My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
