you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
