So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
