may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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