last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
