Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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