So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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