I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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