i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
