her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
