i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i think i just lost a toe
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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