A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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