so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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