Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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(207): View more from Maine

I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

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(404): View more from Georgia

She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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(807): View more from Ontario

he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

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(903): View more from Texas

I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

no more duck duck goose at the bar

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(618): View more from Illinois

If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.

(970): View more from Colorado

Why?

(618): View more from Illinois

They deliver.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Dude my roommate just peed out the window

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