Having a random hookup so left but love u
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
