What did we do last night that was yellow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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