i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
