no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
