your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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