You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
