just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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