I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
