Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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