You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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