In America we eat man semen.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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