Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
