I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
