Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
