he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
