Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Less talking, more tequila
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
