the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
