No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My pussy is not your playground.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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