Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
