I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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