her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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