Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have demons in me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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