Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
