On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
