when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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