So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
