I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
