My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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