Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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