mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
