We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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