All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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