would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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