1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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