Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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