benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
