Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
