i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
