I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
