My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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