he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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