Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
