Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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