Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
