How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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